Dec. 23rd, 2010

chindora: (Kimbi hat)
For whatever reason, I am having an odd feeling this year about the holidays. I miss my kids, with a fierce fire in my breast that just makes my heart hurt, but at the same time, I know that they are doing exactly what I want them to be doing, where I want them to be doing it and they all have wonderful people to be with that I adore. So, none of them is alone this year. They are all happy, moving forward, and for that, I am very grateful.

But I still miss them.

I realized that this is the first Christmas since 2006 that I have not had either my boys or my husband in a war zone, and I am very happy about that.

But I still miss the kidlets.

I know, I should not whine...but if I don't do it here, I might do it in the house, or on the phone, which would be much worse. So, since none of my kids reads my lj, it is perfectly safe to whine here, in moderation.

And I am inordinately sad that I will be missing my bestie's New Year's Eve Party. I used to go every year, and even though children were not particularly welcome, as a general rule, mine were always invited, so we all went as a tribe.

I have nothing to do on New Year's Eve this year, and I actually have my husband home, for once. He is content to sit at home and stay up watching Star Wars movies, again, but I am pining to go out in one of my evening gowns, or even my new tight black jeans and a sweater, but just to get out and do something before he is gone, again.

And no, he won't be here for any of the winter festivities next year.

So, tonight I feel like a dog with a hot spot. I need to get a chill on and get cheerful by tomorrow morning, because as soon as the girl child wakes up we have to start working on more cookies, more peanut brittle, making the Buche de Noel with chestnut mousse filling, prepping the Beef Wellington, and a thousand other little things that all affirm that Christmas is here, even though some of our loved ones are NOT.

Did I mention that I am really missing my kids?

But I am going to put my smile on, yessiree....and we are getting out three computers to hook up to skype so that we can have those three kidlets here on Christmas morning, one way or another.

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chindora

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